lbgtQ - Questions


I was 13 and there was a family gathering at my parents house. A holiday must have been the reason for us to be together. Me and a few cousins were watching professional wrestling. Uncle Brandon walked in and shrieked. He then settled into a grunted "Hmmm." His hmmm sounded like yum - ready to eat greased wrestlers. I had no reaction but I knew that wasn't the norm. I didn't know much if anything about homosexuality but his reaction to seeing the wrestlers was unsettling. My ignorance made it unsettling. Why did he do that?

After my freshman year of high school, I went to Los Angeles to visit my grandparents and later went to Oakland to visit Uncle Brandon for the summer. My grandparents took me to a California Angels baseball game. Reggie Jackson played for the Angels and hit a home run. My favorite player hit a home run. FYI millennials: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim were originally called the California Angels. Reggie Jackson was a boisterous power hitter who had no problem telling you about his greatness. He was a legendary Oakland A and New York Yankee who had some good years with the Angels at the end of his career.


When I got to Oakland, I was excited because I remember the good times I had with him and my Aunts. I remember the strange times such as being in a Pentecostal church and watching him speaking in tongues while dancing or flailing in the aisle. Mostly it was his discipline towards me and his insistence on taking me to see family members that still leaves lasting impressions. I was also excited about eating his cooking everyday. I was 15. I knew nothing of San Francisco cuisine. I knew Uncle Brandon. When his friends came to visit, I started to know more.
 
None of his friends were flamboyant or effeminate - in my presence. They dressed impeccably. In their casual attire, they still didn't look casual. When they talked was when some of my questions were answered. They talked to each other with intimacy. There was no distance. Their eyes spoke. That shriek towards wrestler Kerry Von Erich was attraction. FYI millennials: Kerry Von Erich was a popular wrestler with a body builder's physique. He died at 33 of suicide. With what the public is being exposed to about concussions, Von Erich may have had CTE. Uncle Brandon's cover was blown. I then started to consciously look for and notice other cues to his homosexuality. Still, his homosexuality never altered my love for him. He's simply awesome.



LBGTQ is a community. That Q in the acronym is queer. Queer was derogatory but now it stands for community and pride. Q in the acronym also means questioning - unsure of sexual orientation or gender identity. Q put me back into my ignorance relating to homosexuality. Some believe T = transgender is also confounding but despite Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner, I believe transgenderism is not a choice. It's a battle. I can't fathom being the man that I am yet wanting not only the body of a woman but also her soul. Those feelings had to manifest at an early age. Still, my ignorance centers on Q = questioning. I'm not talking about questioning the sexually uninhibited. The liberated. I have a friend who is sexually obtuse. She doesn't have a sexual orientation but she definitely has a gender. She knows and utilizes the power of being a woman. She sees both genders as sexually and spiritually beautiful. She melts with her husband yet her lust for beauty is volcanic. As the television chef Andrew Zimmern says, "If it looks good, eat it." She wants your sexual DNA and gender is optional.

The questioning who I question are the men on the "Downlow." These are men who say they are not gay but have sexual relations with men. This isn't prison sex. It's not desperation. It's completely consensual. Is the downlow a sexual liberation that hasn't been liberated? Is it like my friend who has sexual wants to fulfill and gender is not an option? Do these men see physical beauty in other men? I've seen and met many handsome men but I don't want sex from any of them - at all. No notions. No curiosity. I feel that doesn't hinder me from liberation - it simply means I'm not sexually attracted to men. If my heart was broken by 50 women, I'm never waking the next morning thinking I may now need dick.


I'm also questioning the women who have children with men but who are now exclusively lesbian. Again, the questions stem from my ignorance, not from a place of intolerance. I had a photography gig at a New Orleans club called Vibe. It's known as a popular gay club. There's a talented MC there who keeps the crowd moving to hectic bounce beats and his calls for scandalous behavior. During one of his calls, he asked the crowd of gay women, "Who got a baby daddy?!" Most of the crowd screamed with raised hands. I was like WTF? Half the women in there gender identified as  men.  The fade haircuts, the long dreadlocs, the athletic shoe game were on point. No make-up, restrictive sports bras, sagging jeans, looking hard as fuck - I didn't expect that many raised hands to the MC's question.  


Are fuck niggas driving women to become lesbians? Were these lesbians with children stuck in the closet? Does social norms and the very real threat of violence keep some in the LBGTQ community in the closet? Why do many gay men and women gender identify as the opposite sex? Why is the downlow not considered homosexuality or at least bisexuality? To question a community and culture is to lead to more understanding. My questions comes from a good place and I hope they are not offensive. Why do Mexicans party all night? Why do Black people not swim? Why do white people put their 6 year old's in strollers? Why do Asians love Honda Civics? I hope my questions aren't as asinine as those. I hope to understand the people I associate with. When I had gay male friends in college, I went to gay clubs - no hesitation. I was sometimes uncomfortable but rarely. The best Bloody Mary's I ever had was at a gay bar on Route 66 in Amarillo, TX. Me and a girlfriend went there often for that reason and the bartenders and patrons were great. Gays are not stupid or perverted. They never tried to convert me or my friends. Thinking that way isn't ignorance - that's stupidity and intolerance. I haven't grasped all of the Q but my effort is there. Thanks to Uncle Brandon, I understood early who the LBGTQ community are and what they are not.

 

   

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