Representation

I grew up a fortunate child. I never had to wrestle with the inept New Orleans Board of Education and their public school system. I didn't know the full capacity of their ineptness until in 1998, I was an English and Reading teacher at Pierre Capdeau Junior High School. I taught 7th, 8th and 9th grade students. Each class, I had a handful of students who came to learn. The rest could care less but even then, I didn't completely blame the students for their indifference. Their parents, their school principal and the school administration were my targets of disdain. Many of my students read on a 3rd grade level. Some of them couldn't read at all but they all somehow managed to reach Junior High school. The students with some reading ability would attempt to read, and stay focused in class. The students who couldn't read were my most disruptive. They were embarrassed. They masked their illiteracy with being the class clown, or the class bully, or the one too cool to learn "that white shit." I had students who came to school filthy. I wondered if they were homeless yet I had other students who told me most of the "dirty" students  had one set of uniform clothing. The only time they considered bathing or showering was if their parent or guardian washed the uniform. How did the illiteracy pass and how did the general neglect for some of the students become habit? I had 7th grade students skipping school to have sex. I had 17 year old 9th graders - but not many because those students would hinder or lower the salaries of Principals. Now you understand why I had so many illiterate students who had no business in Junior High school.

From 1st to 8th grade, I attended St. Alphonsus in the heart of the Irish Channel. When I started there, Redemptorist High was still open and thriving. They won a baseball state title in 1980. St. Alphonsus was great because it was as diverse as the Irish Channel that raised me. Mercy Nuns taught me. Some of the few people I was afraid of were white boys from the Dufrene Family. They were bullies. They were doing illegal shit and they lived 2 blocks from the St. Thomas Projects. I wasn't afraid of the Housing Projects. I had many classmates and friends from the St. Thomas. When not involved in a sport, my after school excursions took me to Charles Tennesee's apt or Cedric Sterling's apt. Most of my flag football teammates called the St. Thomas their home. One of the first girls I kissed was from the St. Thomas. I state "one of" because on a school retreat to LaComb. LA, me and four girls played a kissing game in the school van. Basically, they were my first kiss.

I had English honors with Sister Kevin. She was a huge influence who ignited my love for the subject. My love for reading started with my Mom. From 1984 to 1988, I was a student at Jesuit High. George Lesperance and Kevin Towers kept my love for English full. Mr. Lesperance graduated from Princeton at 18 years of age. He coached the Jesuit soccer team to multiple state championships. He was a Black man. Important because he was significant representation in a sea of white boys. My guidance counselor was Kenneth "Moon" Lee. Important because he nurtured and "recruited" many Black students to Jesuit. The mid to late 1980's saw the most Black students Jesuit ever enrolled. No one from that time can forget the St. Augustine v. Jesuit football, baseball or basketball games. I still remember looking across the line of scrimmage ready to defend Tyrone Hughes with more than 20,000 fans in Tad Gormley Stadium.

Though fortunate, I was a lazy high school student. I was into the social life like I was already in college. My Calculus teacher, Gretchen Kane, is now the President at Ursuline Academy. I so neglected her class. It didn't click for me. I was the illiterate child I would teach at Pierre Capdeau. I slept in her class. I dismissed quizzes and exams but Ms. Kane never gave up on me. When I walked the stage during graduation, she was the first person in my thoughts. Now that I'm older, I wish my parents were my first thought during graduation. I give my parents, especially my mom a ton a credit for exposing me to the world. I had a ton of books that took me across the globe. I went on many vacations. I met and listened to the wisdom of family members but most of those experiences with my parents were before my 15th birthday. In high school, I seemed to be on my own. My friends and teammates became my family. They were my world. I made good and bad choices because of them. I wasn't gullible but I was swayed - sometimes too easily.

Many of my friends in the Irish Channel were drug dealers. Once I was attending Jesuit, they all made an effort to keep me away from that game. They were drug dealers but they went to more of my games than my parents. My parents weren't purposely neglectful. They were tired. My Mom was a state Social Worker - out of the house about 630am, home about 530pm. My Dad was a Chemist at Exxon. He worked 12 hour shifts, graveyards shifts and turnarounds (20+ days without a day off). I remember the first and only time I saw them in the stands. I didn't know they were coming. I felt indifferent.

Many of my students at Capdeau were seeking the same parental push I wanted. I take my daughters almost everywhere I go. I want to know Sydney's interests but not interject myself into her comfort. I want her to be open with me while accepting my guidance. I applaud her accomplishments but I don't make them mandatory. I constantly tell her I love her and I make sure her Friday's are happy. I tell her anecdotes to protect her without making the world frightening. I know her goals and I make sure she stays focused. I wanted those things from my parents. My friends couldn't adequately do those things despite my yearnings to make them like family.

Some of my friends in the St. Thomas and the Irish Channel didn't make it to high school. Some of them didn't live to see 18. Despite my laziness, I made very good money in my working career before absolving it all to fulfill another goal. Some of my friends are almost 50 and are dishwashers and laborers. They needed a push - that push to a resolve; to a focus; to a goal. When life is suppose to get calmer with age, it has become unfortunate. Most of the white supremacist who participated in the Charlottesville, VA race war have jobs. One could be the loan officer who turned my friend down for a car loan. Another could be an apartment manager who denied my friend a better living condition. Another could be teaching (neglecting) one of my friend's children. Another could be a policeman who oppresses instead of serves my friend's neighborhood. Another could be management unwilling to hire my friend. Without the loving push from home, my friend doesn't know how to overcome those obstacles.

Louisiana's public school education has been one of the worst in the Nation for as long as I can remember. We tend to flirt with Mississippi and Arkansas for the title of worst. After Hurricane Katrina, privatized charter schools became the supposed solution. Now there are young white men and women - many with little or no teaching experience, leading classes full of Black boys and girls. They are being taught how to memorize phrases to pass standardize tests. Culture and history are not suggested or taught. This is the south where there are many historically Black universities. These universities are not being targeted for their graduates to teach our children. That's intentional. That's part of the systemic racism that racists tell us doesn't exists. I am fortunate to know and understand this evil system. I am fortunate for the foundation my parents provided. I am fortunate for the education I received from my parents, family, Mercy Nuns, Jesuit Priests, teachers, drug dealers, and from the friends who I love as family. I yearned for more representation like Mr. Lesperance but my foundation is strong. It has held against any neglect I may perceive. Most of the neglect was my neglecting my opportunities and ability. By leaving teaching, I sometimes feel I neglected to adequately provide representation to my community. My Black community without a foundation are dying. My Black community without positive representation are being led to their deaths.

"Seriously had to have a convo with a coworker about the importance of representation in the images we display in the halls of our school and he was offended! Sir our school is 99 percent African-American. I shouldn't have to stress this imperative. And I shouldn't have to help you see how misguided and privileged your resentment is. I'm shook."

- Quote from Black female educator in New Orleans