The Circle

Before Café Negril on Frenchman St remodeled, there was an elevated area next to stage right. Rockin' was the reggae band Higher Heights when they had a firecracker lead singer with boundless energy. She was a phoenix because she didn't seem to last long with the band. After trial and error, they currently have a great singer who has the vibe of a Zion goddess. I was there with my then fiancé who was from Amarillo, TX. Our Frenchman St adventures was her first visit to New Orleans. The grooves from Higher Heights had us feeling some type of way. The positive, yet cloudy vibes were contagious. We wanted some. We neglected to buy some so we were regulated to asking for some. A fellow vibe was below us floor level. He had some. I knew whom I was with and she was looking stunning as always so I told her to ask for some. She was hesitant but we were home. My city and my people share good times. When she asked, he shared without hesitation. For the rest of Higher Heights set, we were amongst the clouds.

"Right on" floated from her lips followed by a grin that always stopped me in my tracks. I was breathing from the energy of it. Suddenly another energy kept me floating. Bass line was syrup. It was deep, and dub smooth. In synch were the snare and crashing cymbals that echoed with each touch. Everything became a hallucigen. When we came down, we were done. We were a circle of two with a reality of three dependents. One was my blood. Two others I tried to feed. We were infiltrated and destroyed. I was the dreaded inside job who aided in the destruction.

We were on our way to our slice of heaven. Me and Big Dre. Usually we cruise to North Baton Rouge - stuntin' in the ride with loud music. Big Dre driving and I'm the scrub but that day's heaven were the outskirts of LSU campus leading to River Road.

1. Crisp smoke bought fresh from Kentucky Ave - Check
2. Stack of 1970's and 80's R&B CDs - Check

That heaven was our way of getting away. Class work, girlfriend, part time hustles, bitch ass acquaintances were all forgotten in heaven. Big Dre let out a bubbly chuckle. The drum roll that boils to the start of Maze's "Golden Time of Day" instigated the chuckle. Ahh man... I was reduced to rubbing my face. We both had cloudy reactions which kept us from losing our selves in  the moment.

While a student at LSU, there were two things I wanted everyday:

1. Smoke good with friends
2. BBQ and beer with friends

Those were my priorities but somehow I graduated then married my college sweetheart. With those priorities, one would think I was a bros-before-hoes type of man but I was far from that. Danielle was a student at USL (before the name change to Univ. of  Louisiana - Lafayette). On our way to heaven; me, Big Dre and a couple other friends cruised USL's campus. First week of school was in full affect. Wherever there were women, soul train lines of men were there to flirt, stunt, sexualize, dream and fantasize. 

The night was a cloud and blur until Big Dre pulled up to stop their walk across the dorm parking lot. I expected a quick dismissal but all three women looked inside the car and engaged. I was in the back seat. Danielle peered in so I rolled down the window. Wearing a polka dot halter top, her cleavage looked like a glass of milk. Dre immediately noticed Danielle's position... "There you go with them high yella girls." They agreed to hang with us and I learned they were from New Orleans and graduated from Ursuline Academy. Home girls but most of the Catholic school girls I knew attended Cabrini, Seton Academy, Xavier Prep, Mount Carmel and Dominican.

Danielle had the most adorable accent. My friends thought she was a voodoo queen. Marie Catherine Laveau in the flesh... They ate Danielle's cooking every weekend but they never touched her red sauces. From that chance encounter to eight years later, our daughter Sydney was born. Only my first year of college was without Danielle. We were a couple in every sense of the word. We were recognized as Jerry and Danielle. Everyone who knew me from college on back called me by my middle name - Jerry. My Dad was Emanuel. I did nothing without Danielle. We rarely did anything without her and/or my friends. Every weekend, we were a commune. I loved our commune but thank goodness for Big Dre, Redd and Danny Dawg. Danielle and her friends liked to drink. Me and my friends liked to smoke. If music and BBQ leg quarters with Savoie rice dressing were available - heaven.

Watching my homie on his cell phone with his girlfriend was comic relief but I was fully empathetic. The obedient agony he was enduring most men in a relationship have experienced. This was a night out with the boys yet it seemed he had to recite the play-by-play of his evening. The other guys in the room filled in the blanks of his conversation. Home responsibilities better be met. Go have fun within reason but make sure milk and bread are bought on the way home. If there's cake at your get together, a slice of that better be with you. Home is stressed. Don't act single. Also, one of our homies broke up with the circle. He broke my girl's heart and shattered our circle but have fun.

I've shattered circles. To this day, I think about Danielle's friends Erin and Angela. Big Dre thought Erin was living caramel. Angela was slightly darker with the prettiest smile. She was down yet cautious. That first night we met and hung out, she was reserved yet me and Danielle were all over each other. She was the glue. Their well being I'm hopeful for and I miss Danielle's sister - Melissa. We were all emotionally embedded for more than a decade. We were a family. Jerry and Danielle were insulated and protected within the circle. During our trials, we easily fell into our different versions of heaven. 

Danielle and my daughter - Sydney

Our friends were our getaway. After a short mental vacation, we were good again - fresh again. When Danielle and I moved to Dallas, our security blankets were gone. We didn't know how to live exclusively despite being together for eight years prior to our marriage. Friends are great to have but when in a relationship, they should never be the judge and jury of relationship trials. Danielle should have been my best friend but we both had a group mentality. Depending on friends for support while in a relationship gives them too much influence. If and when the break happens, vitriol spills and love is lost not only in the relationship but also within the circle. The hurt is exponential.