Black Men dislike Black Women: The Condition

Recently, someone told me that Black women have been retracting their support of Stephon Clark.
Clark was killed by cops while in his yard in Sacramento. He was shot 8 times. 6 of the wounds were to his back. Clark has become another statistic of unarmed Black people killed - not arrested - when confronted by police. The division between a victim of police murder and Black women occurred when Clark's Twitter page became public knowledge. He and his Asian girlfriend made disparaging remarks about Black women and children. Clark also tweeted about his criminal actions. Obviously, dude was filled with self hatred and his ignorance was off the charts.

In not being able to wrap their minds around his ignorance, some Black women and some Black men have declined to further support Clark. Basically they don't want their name or our culture associated with Clark though he was a Black man murdered by the police. In this dire circumstance, continuing to make the world aware of blatant racism and murders American cops perpetrate every day trumps the misogyny and self hatred perpetrated by Clark - but the divide in our foundation is troubling. Black men and Black women are not united. More troubling about the divide is we are truly all we have. We need each other.

I watched a video of a man spilling his guts to a group of women. He seemed to go inside and was sincere. His voice cracked. He tried to keep tears from staining his composure. He expressed to the women to listen to Black men and not believe the negative Black men myths. His sentiment basically clapped back at the list of independent women achievements he felt drive a wedge between Black men and women. He said, "I'm independent too." The wedge is sincerity. Are Black men really listening? Are the negative myths actually tangible scars Black women carry but coping with them is no longer an option? Black women are tired of being in harms way. But are we listening? Men don't express emotions the same as women. I don't know if that's fact but it's "how I was raised" fact. Men tear into food and swallow big chunks. Women bite to savor the texture and flavor. Most men see the big picture of a relationship but our journey is much shorter to the summit than it is for women. When women express their feelings in gestures, cries, or words - are men acutely observing and listening... not just hearing to respond?

The guy from the video - his attempt at sincerity was shallow and seemed to dump on the women instead of finding a common ground to sow together. I didn't take him seriously so I was anxious to read the social media comments. Not one of them from women were wrong, but the tone was contentious. That was not the intentional mood, but the tone was contentious. Experiences that Black men help feed into the myths were expressed for debate and applause. The chorus was singing loudly and they were in tune. None of them were incorrect. They were expressing their feelings. Feelings are important to cultivate a relationship. Most men react that feelings are a waste of time. Men can better use that time by getting in that ass. That will make a woman feel better. Are we really listening?

Our disagreements are up for debate by everyone. All may not have an impactful voice, but all are able to see and have an opinion about life in the Black community. We keep very little to ourselves. Mental illness requires a family and sometimes communal effort to remedy but we hide that. We consider mental illness shameful yet we have no reservations telling the next door neighbor intimate details concerning a relationship. Usually, those details are entertainment to the listener. Nothing is accomplished but a day passed. Respect for the privacy of the relationship is gone. Too many Black men and women are at ease with bashing each other. We are the most misunderstood and the most disliked complexion in the world but solidarity from our foundation doesn't seem common.

This is a social media society but the divide among Black men and women isn't a social media creation. Lack of interpersonal communication is an issue. Memes are gospel. Getting off Facebook is life altering. Tone is misunderstood. Text code and emoji use are simplistic but correct grammar in the correct context are rare. Heightened sensitivity is also an issue. We don't know how to disagree. Are we listening and are we motivated to resolve?

Below are my non-academic beliefs of how and where we went off the rails. The separation from family and culture, and the humiliation and brutality from slave owners of the Transatlantic slave trade were seeds but I will start with:

• Civil Rights Movement. We weren't asking for human rights. They didn't think we were human. We were asking to not get our heads bashed in for simply taking a walk. Somewhere in the movement, desegregation became priority. Desegregation was a distraction that took us away from our cultural norms.
• Welfare. It was written that Black men couldn't be with their family to reap the government benefits.
• Feminist Movement. Black women were not part of the plan. Inclusion of Black women to be viable citizens of America was not on the agenda.
• Blaxploitation. Some Black women are hoes and that's ok. Pimps are our super heroes. Black Panther had nothing on Don "Magic" Juan and Max Julien.
• Drug War. The war against Black lives. Black men were getting prison life sentences for selling ounces. Black men are killing each other as the CIA gets wealthier. American Presidents have endorsed this consistently. 
• Gangsta Rap. This was a another level of public disrespect we displayed towards each other. Unlike Blaxploitation, nothing was glorified. I like N.W.A. and Snoop Dogg's music but where in the Pearl Jam or Nirvana did you hear white women being horrifically characterized?

I'll end with disrespect. The Black men myths start and end with disrespect. We are strong leaders. We need to take the lead in how Black women are portrayed. Let's start there and listen to each other. My listening skills are novice at best so I'm on the walk to common ground with you.

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