Relationship Roles = Bull$#!t

"I'll admit that I'm either a nympho or a voyeur. I love to see you naked."

Women are passionate in their desires for sex - just as much as men or maybe more. Attraction does matter to women. A core connection matters more. There are women who will blindly sex tall, dark and handsome the same as a man will sex an open hole but more so, women want a connection. For some men, the connection is as simple as a smile. Some women claim the connection is spiritual but really?... Maybe the connection is his smile as he complemented your intellect. Game isn't being played. He connects to intelligence. He's being himself. He's not a revelation. He's a man. His persona isn't alien but it isn't fully accepted either. An aggressive approach such as, "That ass. That dress. Let me buy you drink" is either dismissed or entertained but a respectful introduction is alarming.

Women have met the respectful man countless times but there were no red flags. No danger. He was ignored. Humbleness doesn't get the woman during the pursuit. She reflects on the ignorance that's approached her. He's a wrinkle on her brain. He's salacious. He's the rant and the social media subject but that other man... His pursuit is a journey. He's respectful. He's patient. He's not aggressive in his pursuit. Pursuit is not the word when he's attracted to a woman. There's something negligible about her that alerts his attention. The way she gestures when she talks is his cue. If attracted to a woman with similar attentiveness, someone will give up because the lack of a pursuit will frustrate one or both. His aggressiveness is inviting her to a museum. Her aggressiveness is accepting but not sure. The museum is delayed. Prior engagements need to be fulfilled. Time is not on their side. Communication becomes sporadic. His version of aggressiveness becomes indifference. She claims she tried. Both missed an opportunity. He should have been aggressive by showing his want for her. She should have been aggressive in her want to see him.

Many words can be written detailing the reasons why men and women don't connect. She says good morning too much. He eats everything with a spoon. She likes Taco Bell. He has baby mama drama. The whole of a person is usually so much better. Why is it difficult to overlook the petty? Did we get lost in the attraction but never gave a connection chance to ignite? She's sexy but I'm not ready. He can get it but I don't need a man. Patience. Finally heeding the words written in your dating profile can compliment your true intentions. Everyone seems to be on the run. "Busy" is a synonym for we can sometimes chill but I'm not that interested. Often times it means I'll see you when it's convenient for me. I've been guilty of using the petty tools to dissolve a relationship but within the past 4 years, I've read and misread a connection that's either kept me tangled or it has comfortably held me.

The connection has caused me to overreact. It's caused me to proclaim, "Never again." It's caused me to live in moments that should be replayed. 4 years have fueled the connection. Many times I've wondered what hold she has on me? Many times I've contemplated our relationship. I can't let her go despite our emotional missteps. I've called her toxic. I've called her my future. Petty indiscretions that use to blow us up were nothing compared to the insecurities and jealousies that dogged her and the mental overhaul that was needed to sustain our connection. She opened my eyes. I've realized I am a better man because of her. She finally realized other women couldn't take me. She admitted she screwed up - a bit shocking.  Refreshing - definitely. Every indiscretion that was deemed petty were actually tipping points. The ease with how we now co-exist is refreshing. That ease was never there before

but somehow a connection occurred. Instead of giving her everything to me, she's now able to just be.

The pursuit as we know it is a myth. It is bullshit. Men are expected to be aggressive and hungry. Women are expected to be meek and captured. Those roles have resulted in a 50% divorce rate and many unfortunate relationships. Men need to understand the importance of respect and humbleness when wanting a woman. Women need to understand respect and humbleness from a man are not signs of weakness. They are also not reasons to fall in love. Women should always expect men to be respectful. Respect isn't transcendent but it seems rare. Men should expect women to be themselves and vice versa. A connection doesn't happen instantly but it certainly won't happen from a disingenuous exchange. A genuine exchange should breed a connection. If the connection last moments and is unplugged, embrace it and filter the joy. Learn from the angst. If the connection lasts... adore and hold it tight.

"I've been thinking about you all day."